


sporks and cup noodles are not meant to be

by DaniKleine



Series: Flirting in the 21st Century [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabble, Drunk Keith (Voltron), Gen, Happy Birthday Keith!!!, He basically made a podcast while drunk, I Don't Even Know, I have no excuses on how crappy this end up being, I wrote this at 6PM, One Shot, POV Outsider, Pidge may or may not be the one who uploaded the whole thing on their college website, Sporks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:31:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniKleine/pseuds/DaniKleine
Summary: Because despite what advertisements and a certain show claims, sporks are one of the worst inventions in human existence.in universe side story that doesn't really feature Klanceat all





	sporks and cup noodles are not meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Keith!!! I'm sorry Keith.

The video starts after some static-y noises settle down, and suddenly there's a young drunk man glaring through the screen. You could tell he's drunk because anyone can tell when a person is drunk. He seems drunk. He was pointedly huffing at an object at hand. [A small spork that's basically twice the size of his thumb](https://www.theramenrater.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/2015_4_9_1645_004.jpg).

"Sporks are great and all that shit." He starts, now levelling a hard gaze at the spork.

"You could use it to both stab _and_ scoop! Imagine that, a spoon and fork in one!! Good for eating corn in the cup, rice, greens, nearly _any_ type of food really--even bite-sized **_meat!!!_** " He narrates as he animatedly mimics the actions--as if he's advertising the product and trying to sell it with a goodnatured-smile.

"But there is one food type that really does _not_ bode well with sporks." Then he drops the act and stares hard at the viewers. He even pauses for dramatical effect, even lowering his voice down a notch,

_**"Cup Noodles."** _

He then procedes to raise his hands and wave it frantically, " _The holy grail of all instantly-made meals_."

He crosses his two hands infront of him as if he's about to pray and takes a deep breath, "Sporks and Cup Noodles seemed great at first because a certain brand of noodles used to be sold with a compact fork--really quiznaking small, but it does its job--quite well too if I had a say on it (he says, waving a picture of a puny-looking fork pierced on the lid of a cup noodle so it stays shut)--but a lot of consumers complained that they wished it had a spoon too so that they could easily scoop that scalding watery substance dutifully filled with the beloved product's MSG-goodness."

He shuffles to the side and outstretches his hands to the right where an image of a spork appears, "So **lo** and _**behold**_ , the cup noodle's company answered the demands with **_sporks._**  Now the consumers could satisfactorily eat their product's umami MSG-goodness with **stabby _and_ scoopy** action."

"So. Happily Ever After for the entire World Population of College Students?"

Keith leans toward the camera, dominating most of the screen, and drops his voice in a conspiring tone,

**_"Wrong."_ **

He then pulls a string behind him, causing handwritten charts, graphs, numbers, and notes to cascade behind him in a seemingly orderly fashion. He takes out a knife from a sheath and proceeds to poke (more like stab really) a pie graph that was entitled _**Collegiate Students UNsatisfied with Cup Noodle Sporks in the WORLD**_ ,

"These sporks sparked _more_ misery on the already depressive state of college students **worldwide**. True to its purpose, the spork _did_ what it was assigned to do, it could stab _some_ noodles and scoop _some_  soup but it wasn't _efficient_  on doing its two jobs good enough." He threw all the notes and line graphs and other illustrations he showed as he spoke,

"It is weak as  ** _quiznak._** "

The video transitions into a montage of him drunkenly doing what he was narrating,  
"It could barely get enough sporkfuls of noodles for a mouthful. Getting a scoop of soup with a spork is such a _**joke**_."

The video transitions once more into a poorly edited clip of someone zooming into how much soup the spork could _scoop_ , " _Just_ **_look_** _at it_. See how sad this is? Look at just how much sporkful of soup you could scoop. It's practically a large _**blob**_ of a drop of water. It's sad. Really saddening."

  
The montage cuts back to Keith with him looking so disgruntled with his arms crossed over his chest, "So...sad."

He picks up the spork on the floor once more and while saying: **_"Down with the sporks and Back with the Forks"_** he snapped the spork in two.

 Someone behind the camera mutters, _"Keith what the shit it's 6PM..."_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pidge strongly denied that she took the video, edited the video, and uploaded the video online. According to her testimony, if she was in fact the actual person who did all the deeds allegedly done by her, the video won't be crappy-ly edited, she would've posted the video on a better video portal instead of their university's free something-majig of a website, and that she would've erased the evidence of her apparent present-ness on the video. She claims that she walked in to him taking the video himself with his phone secured onto Lance's selfie-stick stuck on a [mono-block chair hole ](https://3.imimg.com/data3/EB/VX/MY-602832/plastic-round-stools-250x250.jpg) that served as a makeshift tripod.

 

Also, despite all of these 'evidences' presented to him, Keith believes otherwise and strongly believes that all of this crap was the creation of Pidge's making.

  


Anyway, Keith managed to use the video as part of his Thesis on why Space Travel Agencies should invest in creating a much better version of a spork. He got an A-minus.

**Author's Note:**

> This is me, self-projecting my hate on eating cup noodles with sporks. I may or may not have used this argument on my friends, and they may or may not have agreed me on my point on the incompatibility of sporks and cup noodles.
> 
> The part where Keith gets an A-minus was not self-projecting, that was just me wishing I had a better grade, or the same one like Keith's at least. Good for you Keith, you managed to make a Thesis from your disaster.


End file.
